How to stay chill when your boss is a massive red flag 🚩

more than 9-5 survival, this is about protecting your glow when you’re in a fog of chaos!

Wow have I worked with some toxic people! Passive aggressive emails, public put downs, shit stirring behaviour - hmmm maybe this is my next book! Did being around that behaviour lower my vibrations? Hell yes. But aint no lows without highs.

You wont be in this position forever so don’t panic! I watched Moanna 2 on the flight back from Kuala Lumpur and as Mantangi sings – there is always another way! Picture that, me having profound life moments to Moanna 2 mid-air. A moment my husband did not anticipate let me tell you!

ANYWAY

I see the toxic boss red flags when listening to my friends, my clients, and of course I’ve walked through the fire myself. The situation isn’t new, we love our job, but our boss makes it hell. It’s like being trapped in a nightmare you can’t wake up from!

Let’s shout out some red flags (feel free to chime in more in the comments):

🚩 Out of hours contact with no respect for personal time

🚩 Praise one minute, gaslighting the next

🚩 They behave like you’re friends but treat you like an enemy

🚩 Emails with urgent tasks at 4.59pm

🚩 They take your work as their own

Honestly hang on a f*cking minute because I don’t get it! Is there a course that we’re supposed to go on in order to be a total c*nt in the workplace?! Maybe I missed that training day! The corporate concept of ‘you are lucky to have a job here’ as opposed to ‘we are lucky to have you working for us’ could do with a refresh couldn’t it?

The ego within the business world is WILD.

Is the ladder worth climbing if each run is spiked? Not.For.Me.Honey.No.

Here are my tips to keeping the glow going, remember chill is powerful not passive.

View from above

What might feel like reality is in fact your perception. While it feels like a punch in the stomach, when the shots are fired it can actually be deflected if you shift the viewpoint. I remind myself that how I react is MY CHOICE. Choosing peace over anger or defence is the higher ground. It requires more work and more patience however which is why so many of us struggle to find it. Imagine yourself coming up and out of your body and looking at the situation from above – I try to feel sorry for the person firing the shots. Something has happened in this persons day or life that makes them think that how they’re behaving is acceptable. Rather than match that frequency, you can choose to tune into your inner peace. Detach your worth from their chaos. It often leaves me feeling sorry for them.

War Paint

Keep something on your desk or in your bag that reminds you of who you are. Lipbalm, hand cream, a fragrance or a favourite notebook with a mantra inside – every time you reach for that item use it as a talisman to keep you centred.

You may have seen my Instagram reel with comedy glasses, vvvv useful for working from home.

Mini Boundaries

Boundaries are hard to install, but remember honey they’re a form of protection and quite frankly – maturity. While petrol might be poured on the fire at first, hold your ground!!

Don’t reply to passive out of office emails or texts, schedule a fake meeting for yourself if needs be, and take your lunch break – no questions asked. The whole working through your lunch and sitting at your desk does you no favours, it only burns you out. My friend Noelle in New York taught me to always take my lunch away from my desk, and it stuck. Good vibes only purlease!!

Breathe and remember: you have a choice

You choose to work where you work. Every morning, you wake up and you make the choice to go into the office and to log onto your calls. Yes, money matters but the choice is yours. Your boss wont change if you work there or not, so remind yourself of the game plan if you have one. Why are you there?

Print your resignation

One of my favourite tips I picked up from a random in a bar one time! If it’s really bad, write your resignation and print it out, keep it in your bag. You have taken control and power of the situation and can pull the parachute chord at any time.

They need you, you don’t need them!

Why you’re brilliant

If you’re struggling, write a list of why you’re brilliant and save it as your phone wallpaper. Deep breaths, count to 10 and get yourself a favourites playlist on your phone pronto.

Remind yourself of who you are deep down in your core and hold onto your light – it’s what makes you YOU.

Would love to hear your thoughts on this as I know it affects many of us during our career, maybe I should have a career coach guest post? Let me know your thoughts!

Love Always XX Jules

Greetings from a South Eastern train where I’ve typed this Substack crammed into a seat with my knees behind my ears. The glam! Yes there were other photos sans hood in the background but I thought, leave it in - depth.